you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
