I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Randomize
