I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
