no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
