One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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