Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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