you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
