tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
