i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
