So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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