***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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