I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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