So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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