Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
