i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
