nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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