We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need help removing her.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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