I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
