Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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