Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
