Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
