I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
