quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
BRING THE BAGELS
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
