And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
