i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
