Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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