drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
