I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
