ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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