As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
