if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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