I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
