making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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