take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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