I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize