i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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