i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
