all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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