u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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