I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
