he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
