he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
