You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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