When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
