So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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