She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
