What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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