As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
