These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
