Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
