I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
