well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
