The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would ride that face into the sunset
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