This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
