She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
