I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
