Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
