You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize