return my video game
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
