you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
