I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize