May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
