hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
