you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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