I wish I only lived at night.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
