Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
