Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
