her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
send nudes
from the living room?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
